Doubts
"Johnny,
come here. Ya gotta see this!" Jelly called as
he approached his friend on the boardwalk in front of the saloon.
"What's
goin on?" Johnny asked.
"Scott's
in the finals of the turkey shoot. It's just him and Ben Harris left."
"Really? I do hafta see
this." Johnny followed the older man to the end of the street.
A
crowd was standing in a semi circle and Johnny climbed up on somebody's
buckboard to get a better view. His brother was taking his turn and hit the bull’s-eye
dead on. Johnny smiled, he knew Scott was good with a rifle, of course so was
Ben Harris. It was still a tie and it could go on for hours or it could end
with the next round. Johnny never could understand why they didn't just shoot
the turkey and get it over with.
He
jumped down and managed to get himself positioned in the front of the crowd;
most people still got out of his way. Ben Harris fired again and hit dead
center. Scott approached the firing line and took aim. He squeezed the trigger
and there was a deafening 'awwwww' from the crowd.
"Well,
Scott, looks like ya missed it completely," the judge said.
"Look
again," Johnny said softly.
The
judge looked at him curiously.
"He
didn't miss, he hit inside Ben's hole."
Someone
brought the target to the judge and he studied it, his eyes widening in
surprise.
"He's
right! It went clean through Ben's hole!" he exclaimed and showed it to
those nearby for affirmation. "The winner is Scott Lancer!"
*
"Thanks,
brother, I didn't think they'd buy it from me."
Scott smiled as he watched Jelly take his prize to the wagon.
"I
wouldn't have either if I hadn't seen it myself," Johnny said with a grin.
"I
don't believe I've ever met anyone who could see as well as you can, brother."
"Well,
the problem most people have, Scott, is they don't look at what they should be lookin at. Everybody was watching you aim and fire. I was
watching the target to see where it hit."
Scott
nodded his head.
"Good
shootin, by the way," Johnny added.
Scott
laughed. "Now that sounds familiar."
"Come
on,
"You
will?" Scott asked, stopping in his tracks at the offer.
Johnny
grinned. "Sure, a man shoots that good, he
deserves more than a stupid bird."
"Scott!
Jelly told me, congratulations," Murdoch called as he approached his sons.
"You
missed it, Murdoch. It sure was pretty," Johnny said.
"Why
didn't you get in on this, Johnny?"
"Well,
I figured I had an unfair advantage."
"Oh,
is that so?" Scott asked, amused.
"Sure,
nobody would have tried if I was shootin."
Johnny grinned devilishly.
"You
know, brother, I think I could have taken you."
"Is
that a challenge?" Johnny asked, narrowing his eyes.
Murdoch looked at the two of them and sighed.
'Always competing', he thought.
"If
you think you can handle it." Scott egged it on.
Johnny
shrugged. "Let's go."
"Do
you think you could wait until after you buy me a beer?" Murdoch asked.
They
looked at their father, then at each other and shook their heads simultaneously
then headed for the firing range.
*
"Hey,
Joe, got anymore of those targets?" Johnny called.
"Sure, Johnny. Got a
stack of 'em. Why?"
"Never
mind, just let me have 'em."
"Aren't
we going to do it here?" Scott asked.
"Do
you want the whole town watching,
"Humiliate
me? I think you're afraid they'll see me beat you and your reputation will be
shot. No pun intended." Scott couldn't help from smiling.
"Come
on."
*
They
rode out of town a ways and found a good spot to set up the targets.
"How
do you want to do this? Set off paces?" Scott asked.
"Nope,
you just pick the distance and the first one to miss the bulls-eye loses. Can't
get any simpler than that," Johnny said, checking his gun.
"You're
using a pistol?"
"Just
set it up wherever you want it, Scott. It doesn't matter."
Scott
shrugged, then grinned to himself as he walked away
with the target. He set it up about four hundred yards away and Johnny grinned
at his back.
"Uh,
you're just going to shoot one bullet at a time, right?" Scott asked when
he noticed Johnny putting on the black leather glove.
"Right."
"Who
goes first?"
"Haven't
you ever done this before?" Johnny asked, a
little exasperated with all the questions.
"Actually, no."
"You
go first since you won dinner," Johnny grinned.
Scott
smiled and took aim, pegging the bulls-eye. He stepped aside for his brother.
Johnny drew and fired once and hit dead center. They kept it up for almost an
hour. Johnny was beginning to worry he would run out of ammunition.
"Should
we put a time limit on this?" Scott said, quite seriously.
Johnny
laughed. "Sure, when you fall over from exhaustion, we'll stop."
*
They
rode back to town just before sunset and headed to the saloon. Murdoch watched
as they walked in but he couldn't tell who had won. Neither of them seemed very
happy.
"Well?"
he asked as they sat with him.
Scott
looked at his brother with annoyance. "He cheated."
"I
did not!"
"Why
do you two have to compete about everything?" Murdoch asked with a sigh.
"I
didn't cheat! I don't have to!"
"You
did, too. It wasn't fair, Johnny."
"What
happened?" Murdoch asked, not really wanting to get in the middle of this.
"Murdoch,
when you keep a vital piece of information from your opponent, it's
cheating," Scott proclaimed.
"I
didn't keep it from you, I just didn't think it
mattered. Besides, you should have known," Johnny shot.
"How
was I supposed to know?"
"What
do you think I've been doing all these years, Scott? Twiddling my thumbs? And
it's your own fault, it was your idea. Thought you'd be
cute!"
Murdoch
reached out and laid a hand on each shoulder to get their attention. "What
happened?"
"He
used his left hand!" Scott decried.
"You
told me to!"
Murdoch
started laughing at this, hard. They both looked at him as if he were crazy.
"That's what you're fighting about? Do you know how ridiculous you sound?"
"It's
not ridiculous! He decided to shoot left handed. Ain't so easy with a rifle, is
it?" Johnny sneered.
Scott
glared at him. "I've done it before."
"Oh really? So what you mean is, you kept a vital piece of information from your opponent."
Johnny sported a victorious grin.
"I
think he's got you there, son."
Scott's
face turned red. "Well, at least I won the turkey."
"Only because I wasn't there."
"Okay,
okay. I think we've all had enough 'fun' for one day. Can we just drop this and
go home?" Murdoch suggested.
*
Both
boys were still unhappy with each other the next day and said next to nothing
throughout the workday. Murdoch was stunned they could stay mad so long over
something so silly. Supper wasn't any better and he'd had enough.
"Do
you two know how silly this is? Being angry over a dumb
contest."
"I'm
not mad. I won," Johnny said with a shrug.
"Fine,
you won. Happy now?"
"Yeah,
I'm thrilled, Scott. I don't know what made you think you could outshoot me in
the first place. Ya just got a big head after winning that stupid bird."
"I
did not! I won that bird fair and square."
"Yes,
you did. So why does that make you think you could best me?" Johnny asked.
"You're
not that good, Johnny. There's always someone faster, you said so yourself."
"Yeah,
I did. But that sure as hell ain't you, brother!" Johnny said, raising his
voice now.
"That
is enough!" Murdoch bellowed. "This has got to be the most ridiculous
argument I've ever heard. What difference does it make? You are both good with
guns. It doesn't matter who's faster."
"It
does to me," Johnny said.
"Why?"
Murdoch said loudly.
"Because! No greenhorn is gonna come around tellin me he can outshoot me just because he spent about a
minute in the army! You may be good with that rifle, Scott, but you'll never be
as good as me and you know it and THAT is what's eating you!"
"Oh really? It seems to me we were
pretty even yesterday," Scott said snidely.
"Yeah,
it SEEMED that way, didn't it?"
"What
is that supposed to mean?"
"It
means, Scott, that I wasn't trying!"
Scott
glared at his brother, his face turning red. "Is that so?"
"Yeah,
that's so!"
"Well,
let's just see you at your best!" Scott made the challenge as he stood and
threw his napkin on the table.
"Fine
by me," Johnny said, his voice much softer and
edgier now. They headed out the door and made it to the porch before they both
felt a strong hand yank them backward.
"This
has gone far enough. I want you to apologize to each other and stop this
foolishness," Murdoch demanded.
"Stay
out of this, Murdoch."
Murdoch
Lancer stared dumbfounded at the dangerous tone of voice coming from his
youngest. He released his grasp on them both and threw up his hands.
*
They
went to the back of the barn where Johnny always practiced and set up some cans
and bottles.
"Where's
your rifle?" Johnny sneered.
"I
don't need it! Just do your worst, Johnny," Scott shot back at him.
Johnny
shook his head at his brother's obstinace and drew
and fired before Scott had stopped moving. He heard it though, the unmistakable
ping of cans being hit by a bullet six times.
Johnny
smiled at him. "Your turn."
To
his credit, Scott hit five out of six bottles, though it did take him quite a
bit longer to accomplish this.
"Are
you done now?"
Scott
leered at him, still red with anger.
"You
know something, Johnny? I can't believe you’re still alive with that amount of
insolence."
Johnny
gave him a small smile. "Maybe that's why I'm still alive. Ever think of
that?" His face darkened then and his eyes took on a haunted look.
"Maybe you wish I wasn't?"
Scott
stared at him in utter shock at the statement, his voice coming out in a
whisper. "Why would you say something like that?"
"Why
are you trying so damned hard to bring
Scott
frowned at this and shook his head. "I'm not."
"Funny,
sure seems like it," Johnny said softly and walked away.
Scott
stood watching his brother walk away and hung his head. 'Why did I get so
angry?' he thought. He stood there a few more minutes before heading into the
house. When he did, Murdoch was waiting.
"Where's
Johnny?" he asked immediately.
"Didn't
he come in?"
"No,
he did not. What happened out there?"
"He
won," Scott shrugged.
"Did
you think he wouldn't?" Murdoch asked then added, "what
was that all about, Scott?"
"You
know something, I really have no idea." Scott shook his head and walked to
the kitchen.
Johnny
came down the stairs and headed for the door.
"Just a minute. I want to talk to
you," Murdoch called out.
He
stopped and sighed then turned to his father.
"Can
you explain what is happening here to me?"
"No,"
Johnny clipped.
"Can't
or won't?"
"Can't. Ask the know-it-all. It's his problem, whatever it
is," he said and walked out.
Murdoch
stood there in a daze, he didn't understand what was happening with his sons
but he sure didn't like it. He thought he would try Scott one more time. He
found him in the kitchen.
*
"Scott,
I want an explanation. This isn't like you."
"I
know. I don't know what happened, Murdoch. I swear I don't. It started out as a
game, but he made me so angry."
"How?"
"I'm
not even sure now. I guess I just didn't like his attitude," Scott said
with a shrug.
"His attitude? As I recall, Johnny was
only teasing you. There's nothing new about that."
No,
Sir, I guess not but ... well, he thinks I can't handle myself. That I have to
have him watching my back or I can't even put on my own boots!" Scott felt
the anger growing again.
"Scott,
that's not true. Your brother respects you. He was praising you about your
shooting today. Maybe Johnny's not the problem," he suggested.
"What
do you mean?"
"Well,
you were fine until he started teasing you about his not being in that contest.
Did something else happen today?"
Scott
dropped his eyes and stared into his coffee cup.
"Scott?"
"It
was nothing. I didn't even think anything about it but maybe something Ben
Harris said did tick me off a little," he said softly.
"What
did he say?"
"He
said he was sure glad it was me and not Johnny shooting against him."
"I
guess he was wrong, wasn't he?"
Scott
smiled a little. "Yes, I guess he was."
"But,
still, you felt like you had to prove yourself. Scott, there are some things
you're better at and some things Johnny's better at. It doesn't make either of
you less, just different."
"I
know you're right, Murdoch. It was stupid of me to think I could best him with
a gun. It's just that, Johnny was so easily accepted by everyone here. Well,
almost everyone. He's so easy going and they all just let him in right away. I
know it's petty but I can't help feeling some resentment about that."
"Maybe
your brother feels the same way about you sometimes, son."
"What
do you mean?"
"Well,
I don't want to sound like I'm diminishing you, but he's had a lot tougher life
than you have," Murdoch said hesitantly.
"I
know, we've even talked about it. He says it doesn't
bother him, but maybe it does. Maybe that's why he got so mad at me. I was
trying to take away something he was better at than
"Nothing that can't be fixed, son."
*
"Hey, where ya goin?" Jelly asked as he rounded
the house.
"None
of your business," Johnny snapped.
"Well,
excuse me fer breathin!"
"I'm
sorry, Jelly. I'm goin for a ride. I'll see ya later," Johnny mumbled and
took off at a gallop.
"What's
the matter with Johnny? He jest bout took my head
off!" Jelly asked as he walked into the kitchen.
"Where
is he?" Murdoch asked.
"He jest took off on Barranca. Said he was
a goin fer a ride."
"I
guess that's my cue," Scott said with a weak smile.
"Maybe
you should wait a while, son."
"No,
it's better if we get it over with, I think." Scott wasn't all that
convinced. He didn't know if Johnny was more angry or hurt and it wasn't going
to be easy to figure out even after he caught up with him. "Which way did
he go, Jelly?"
"South,
I think. What's goin on?"
"I'll
tell you about it later," Murdoch answered.
"Nobody ever tells me nothin!" he mumbled as he poured
his coffee.
*
Scott
headed south, following his brother's trail. It wasn't hard, he seemed to be in
a hurry and wasn't particular about covering his tracks. 'Maybe he wants me to
follow him, or maybe he doesn't think I will, or maybe he just doesn't care',
Scott thought. It took him an hour to find his brother by the stream that was a
favorite place.
Johnny
saw him coming and stood up, positioning himself for a fight.
"I
didn't come here to fight it out with you, Johnny," Scott said, noticing
his brother's stance.
"Why
did you come?" he asked angrily.
"I
want to talk, Johnny. I want to apologize."
Johnny
looked at him suspiciously. "Well?"
"Look,
I'm sorry I acted like such an ass. I don't know what got into me. Well, that's
not true. I didn't know then but I do now."
"I'd
like to know." Johnny was still not ready to give up his posturing.
"I
was ... jealous," Scott admitted, red faced now.
Johnny's
mouth dropped open and his stance relaxed as he stared in disbelief at his
brother, not quite convinced. "Jealous of what?"
"Of you, Johnny. Ben Harris smarted off
earlier today about how he was glad it was me and not you in that shoot and I
guess it just got to me. When you started teasing me, I got angry."
"But,
you won."
"I
know, but I got to thinking, what if you had been in it? I didn't think I could
beat you. Then .. well my
pride got the better of me," he shrugged.
Johnny
studied him and shook his head. "No, that ain't it."
Scott
looked up at him and gave a small grimace. "No, that's not all of it
anyway."
*
"Well,
go on."
Scott
started pacing along the edge of the stream with his head down. He wasn't sure
Johnny would understand and he didn't want to sound like a big baby either.
Finally, he sighed and dropped his shoulders.
"When
we first came here, you seemed to fit in with the hands. You spoke their
language, you were one of them. I felt like an outsider. They accepted you
right away, but not me. They were suspicious of me and I caught more than one
sneer from them. I know it's been eight months now, but it hasn't changed much.
Even in town, people get out of your way. I saw that today when you came up to
watch me shoot. I guess I just let it get to me today."
Scott
didn't look at his brother until he had finished. What he saw was genuine
surprise.
"I
don't understand you, Scott. You fell right into place almost from the minute
you got here. Yeah, okay some of the hands weren't too sure about you but they
don't feel that way anymore. You've proven yourself to them. Everybody has to
prove themselves at one time or another, one place or another. I'm sure you had
to prove yourself in the army. I'm the one that felt like an outsider, I still
do sometimes. Not with the hands but with you and especially Murdoch.
“And
as for people gettin out of my way, that ain't nothin to be proud of.
They do it because they're afraid of me. Do you think I like that? I don't. You
came out here ready to change your life completely, ready to take on anything you
might find. That takes guts, Scott."
"Johnny,
I'm sorry. I tried to take something away from you today. I won't ever do that
again. I promise."
Johnny
knew what he meant, he didn't have to ask for an
explanation. He was just glad Scott knew what had happened, really happened
today. "I can't believe you were jealous. If anybody should be jealous,
it's me and I'm not so you can't be either."
Scott
smiled and put a gentle hand on his brother's shoulder. "You're not an
outsider here, Johnny. Especially not with me. Don't
ever doubt that you belong here."
"Scott?
Let's not fight anymore, ok?"
"Well,
I can't promise that but if we do, it will be over something silly. How's that?" Scott grinned.
Johnny
smiled back at him but he knew Scott didn't understand what he was saying to
him. "I mean it," he said, serious again.
Scott
looked in his brother's eyes and the realization of what Johnny meant dawned on
him. "Nothing will ever tear us apart, Johnny. No argument or fight will
ever keep us from being brothers, forever. Nothing you could ever say to me
would make me stop loving you," he replied, his blue eyes intense with
sincerity.
Johnny's
shoulders relaxed, Scott understood. "Ok, I'm gonna hold you to that."
He grinned and started toward Barranca.
*
"Wait
a minute, Johnny. Is there something you want to say to me? Something you think
will make me angry?" Scott asked, seizing this rare opportunity.
Johnny
stopped but didn't turn around.
Scott
approached him and walked around to face him. "Nothing, Johnny."
Johnny
looked up at his brother, his eyes full of conflict and doubt. He sighed and
began. "I lied when I said I wasn't jealous," he said softly.
Scott
raised an eyebrow but said nothing.
"Sometimes,
I am jealous of you. I don't mean to be but ... well, it's just that you seem
to get along so well with the old man and all I seem to do is make him mad, or
disappoint him. And, well ... you're so calm most of the time and ... you said
I was easy going, maybe so, but you're more easy going
than anyone I ever met. Nothing seems to bother you. I mean me
and Murdoch could be going at it full on and you stay quiet and listen. I don't
think I could do that, hell I know I couldn't. I..."
"Johnny,
Murdoch said something to me today that made perfect sense. He said there were
some things you were better at and some things I was better at. That it didn't
make either of us less, just different. That's the thing of it, Johnny. We're
just different, but we are brothers and nothing will ever change that. We've
had different experiences, different backgrounds, but the fact that we get
along so well, well most of the time, is the true testament. I think that, even
if we had grown up together, we would still be this different. It's just our
personalities, who we are inside. But, as long as we have each other, we can do
anything." Scott put his hands on his brother's shoulders.
"Yeah,
nobody can beat the Lancer brothers," Johnny said with a grin.
Scott
returned the grin. "Let's go home, Murdoch's worried."
THE
END